Thursday, May 10, 2012

Things I'm afraid to tell you

Have you all seen these posts?

It all started with Jess of Jess LC and Makeunder My Life {one of my faves}. Her post was so honest and real.  I read it and thought "I should do that...I should blog about a few things I normally shy away from...."

And then I became a big chicken.

This week I saw that Ez {over at Creature Comforts} challenged bloggers to write their own Things I'm afraid to tell you posts.  Her post was also so honest and inspired me to stop being a afraid and just do it.

In general, I am really honest on this blog.  I don't hide much, but I also share with you guys mostly the best parts of my life.  

My life is pretty good. I have far more than any human needs or deserves but it isn't perfect. Also, I have opinions that I sometimes avoid sharing on my blog or in social media because I don't want to be preachy or alienate anyone who might not agree.

So here it is - I am afraid to tell you that....

If my husband didn't have a successful career I would be living below the poverty line.  I find that embarrassing.  I shouldn't be relying on a man and I should be far more successful than I am.  

I hate showering.  I hate pools.  I am just not a fan of getting wet.

I often look in the mirror and see a fat person.  I know I am not fat but I never feel thin enough.  I eat like crazy so I am definitely not anorexic and for the most part, I like the way I look.  I just wish I looked 10 pounds lighter.  Crazy.

I swear.  A lot.

I say it's not about numbers but I look at numbers way too much.  Numbers such as pageviews and followers and all of that nonsense.  I stress as to why my pageviews haven't increased in the past two months while blogs that I think suck have millions of pageviews.  It is so stupid and so not fair of me to think this way.  

I am the best procrastinator I know.  

I am not religious.  I was raised Catholic and if I ever have a child will raise him/her Catholic but more so out of tradition that faith.  I am not an atheist, but I do question this whole Jesus Christ and organized religion thing.  When I hear someone say "I just gave it up to God and I have faith that he will take care of me."  I get a little jealous.  I wish I could do sounds easy.  But in the same turn I could never do that.

I love my president.  I really, really do but I think politics in this country are in a sick state.  It is hard to watch, and hard to take part in, and hard to be proud of a country that acts like such children.

I think Andy Cohen is a genius and I have a sick obsession with all things Bravo.

I worry that I don't yet have a baby and that I am not dying to have one.  I look around and every 20-something I meet online has a few and I am 31 and have none.  I am not even sure I want one but I am afraid of waking up at 50 and thinking, "shit, why didn't I ever have a baby??"  Plus, my husband is 46 and some days it feels like time is running out.  He cannot be 70 with a teenager.  He just cannot.  So what am I supposed to do?

I daydream all.the.time about crazy amazing lofty dreams coming true. If any of these dreams come true and someone asks me "Is this beyond your wildest dreams?"  I will have to be honest and say "No, my dreams are pretty wild."  I don't want an average life.  Some people want a simple life and I think that is fantastic but it's not for me.

What are you afraid to admit on your blog?  Or are you a complete open book?  Blog about it and leave your link - I want to read it all!

p.s. Thank you for reading.  It wasn't all that easy to admit everything above ♥.

1 comment:

  1. I found you a few minutes ago via an Instagram comment on Go Haus Go. My husband and I both went to Xavier too. I grew up in Indianapolis and we currently live in Southern Indiana, just over the river from Louisville. (I saw on your IG comment that you lived in Indiana at one time.)

    Between the things you wrote about on this post, and what I've ready on your About page, we seem to have a lot in common. I will now be digging around your blog to learn more!


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