4. Alexis and Jim go out to eat and she orders a very specific drink. She orders a festive margarita, on the rocks, with only 6 round ice cubes (the kind that look like short, fat tubes), the juice of 2 organic limes, 13.125 pieces of lime zest, 16 grains of salt that are in a zig zag pattern around the edge, and just a dash of Jesus Christ’s saliva (because he comes first). Then she says she is just erotic about her food! (I think she meant neurotic, but don’t judge, she spends so much time on God that she had no time to learn anything, ever.)
6. I think Jim is the reason Alexis sucks. She has been brainwashed by the evil Jesus freak. Hate.
Elsewhere, Tamra is still jealous of Gretchen and now she will also be jealous of Alexis. Currently, she likes Alexis, but I am sure that will change.
Tamra and Simon also hate each other. They have a 4th of July barbecue and invite Mr. and Mrs. Jesus Freak. Tamra tries so hard to be fun and funny, but all her nastiness just seeps from her pores. She makes snide remarks towards Simon and no one finds them funny, instead everyone just gets really uncomfortable. I think I hate Tamra the most. She deserves to be broke.
Poor Lynne has to move to Laguna. Her daughters are so sad and her husband Frank admits that he made bad decisions in the real estate market (him and everyone else in the OC). So, they are moving. It is a boring scene.
Vicki is busy making all the money in the OC, and she barely appears in this episode. There is one scene where the producers force Jeana to stop by Vicki’s house and it is all so awkward. My head hurt so bad, I had to fast forward a little.
Finally, we get to the La Perla party. The wives try on lingerie and the husbands laugh uncomfortably. Tamra is trashy, Slade is a creep, Alexis is bound and gagged by her husband and stuck inside a dressing room until she is allowed to come out again, and Vicki shows up late and looking as if she is so superior. When asked why she is late, she says, “Because I’m the only one who works.” It was great, and so true.
The final scene is the worst. Jeana and her bratty kids all sit around and eat hot dogs and talk about nothing. Then Jeana cleans her kitchen while a video montage to her Housewives life cuts in and out. They show her estranged, 70s porn star looking, ex-husband Matt, and my head explodes. Buh-bye Jeana and good luck!
Bye Jeana! Take care of yourself gurrrl.