Thursday, October 29, 2009

Boring Socialites, Fake Alcoholics, and I'm Done!

I will start with The City.  (I am at work and don't have my notes with me, so some of this might be made up...)

Whitney has a new "boyfriend" named Freddie Finklemeyer.  They have been on one date, but apparently, it's very serious, because he brings his dad to their second date.  Whitney is grossed out, as she should be.  The dad's name is Frolein Maria and has a hint of a German accent???  Or maybe just a speech impedement.  The whole scene was gross and made me want to vom.

The Funklemunchers...waiting for their date with Whitney

Moving on, People's Revolution, where Whit and her 2nd season bestie, Roxy work (I considered naming my dog Roxy.  Roxy is a dog's name, not a human's name), is doing the PR for an Elle magazine event.  So of course, Whit and Roxy are going to be working on the People's Revolution side and Olivia and Erin are going to be working the Elle side. 

I was on Team Olivia for a week, but she has let me down.  Erin is still super annoying, but Olivia just sucks.  For one brief, 30 minute episode I felt bad for her.  Last night she showed her true colors.  Shining through. And that is why everyone hates her.  Olivia really hammed up the "I am a socialite who knows everyone and I am better than you" thing last night.  And I hate her. Again.  Even Whitney said not-so-nice things about her.  Scandalous!

No one likes me, but I don't care because I know everyone in this City.

Whit and Rox do some weird dance in Whit's bedroom.  It was awkward and I had to cover my eyes.  Roxy asks Whitney all about Freddie, and Whitney says he likes to bring his dad on dates and that he knows Olivia, so he must be a socialite too.  Duh!

Last season, Whit dated an unattractive Aussie rocker who cheated on her all the time.  But you know what?  He sucked just a little less than Freddie Finklemunsterbach.  Even though very little has been revealed about Freddie, the following is pretty much fact:
  • In the future, he will have a wife and 2-4 kids who will live in the rich suburbs while he stays in the City during the week. 
  • He will have numerous affairs, which the wife will know about, but pretend not to know about because she won't want to tarnish their "perfect" family.
  • He tans too much.
  • He has never spoken to a person of a different race, unless absolutely necessary. 
  • He is personality-less.
  • He wears purple and blue shirts fashioned out of table cloths.

Hello fellow socialite, do you like my fancy, trying to look like a commoner, shirt?

Whitney meets Jay (the unattractive Aussie rocker who cheated on her every night) to discuss Freddie.  (What a story line!)  Jay looks bored out of his mind and says Freddie sucks because he is "one of them" (I couldn't agree more) and leaves the restaurant before they even order. 

Poor Whitney is sad and alone contemplating her life as the future Mrs. Funkleman.  At least he will be able to pay for her fashion line.  It is so fashion.

Across the country, in sunny Los Angeles, The Hills gang was up to just about nothing.  Nothing happens this epsiode. (Or really any episode, but I still watch.  Hmm.)  Kristin has a party at her "Malibu house" (she needs to stop calling it her "Malibu House" because that would imply that she has another house somewhere else).

Let's have a party at my Malibu House

Kristin said JB gets one more strike, and then he's out.  He texts her and says he isn't going to her Malibu House party and she says "I'm DONE!"  Then, he shows up, and she tries really hard not to smile and jump up and down with excitement.

Ok, I'm obsessed with you...we are so not dunzo

Brody and Jade with a "y" go out to eat and discuss how jealous Jayde is of Kristin.  Jayde wishes Brody didn't flirt with Kristin and she says she is not going to Kristin's party.  She comes, sees Brody talking to Kristin, drinks a bottle of Jagermeister, and fights with Brody, who cries, "I'm DONE!"  Later, they break up. I hope it's for good this time.

I'm DONE! (And, I might love Kristin.)

In other news, Holly is still an alcoholic.  The producers make her do crazy dance moves and everyone says "Whoooaaa, what's up with Holly?  Does she, like, having a drinking problem?"  Why doesn't anyone ask this about Jade with a "y" when she drinks an entire bottle of Jager?  Or about Stacie the Bartender when she drinks cocktails in the morning?  Srsly.  Drinking a bottle of Jager might kill me and Jayde only weighs 25 pounds, so she must have a major problem if she can handle all that liquor.

Stephanie tells Heidi that Holly was drunk at the Malibu House party, so Heidi calls Holly over to have another intervention.  Have these people seen the show Intervention?  This is not how to have an intervention.  Or, have they seen that intervention episode of 90210?  Again, they just need to do a little research first.

Stephanie knows all about rehab, because she has been there (but she now drinks and looks like a drug addict).  She tells Holly that she has to go to rehab.  Holly gets mad, cries, then leaves. 

Oh no, maybe I shouldn't have agreed to this story line...

The End.

Next week looks exciting.  Why? Because it actually looks real (ish).  See, Audrina and Kristin fight over JB and if anything is real on this show, it is Audrina's (and now Kristin's) psychotic obsession with Justin Bobby.  Guys- if you want a pretty, but not so smart girl, to become ridiculously obsessed with  like you, just treat her like works for Justin Bobby!

I'm over Justin, do you think he's over me?

1 comment:

  1. We should play a drinking game with this Hills episode: every time one of them says "I'm done", take a drink!!!!!! We would be as drunk as Holly! Sorry boo, strike two! :)


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